Planning Baby #2

No, we’re not giving Avery a sibling any time soon!  But we do want another kiddo someday.  So how do decide when that ‘someday’ is?  It’s a conversation Vinay and I have butt heads on and it usually goes like this… Vinay: ‘We’re not having another for 4-5 years!’… I say: ‘Ohhh but I want them closer in age… and I want 4!  Vinay: ‘FOUR?! Are you crazy?!’  Me:  ‘I know, I know… but if we could afford and handle it I would’.  Vinay: ‘Meg, if we win the lottery we can have as many as you want…’

Realistically, we both know (for many reasons) we’ll be a family of three for a while.  And we’re OK with that – Even though I do tease Vinay about having 4 kids and it drives him crazy and he makes this face like he’s gonna pass out (haha, sorry hunny!).  But really, we have our hands full with Avery and the house (ontop of both working), and after giving Avery all our attention, we have little left for the house, so adding another kiddo in the mix would be WAY too much right now.

So, since many families make these decisions, we’re wondering -what factors do you weigh when planning for another baby?  Here’s a list of some of the factors that lead us to our plan to wait a bit…and how long…

Time & Attention.  Having a second child would mean splitting our attention between the two….  and right now because we’re both working full-time and have a household to maintain, it’s hard giving Avery all the attention he needs – especially now that he’s crawling all over and will be walking soon!  He needs a set of eyes and hands on him at all times, which means the other set of hands is making dinner, packing a daycare bag for tomorrow, washing bottles or throwing laundry in.  I can’t imagine how we’d handle everything with another child too!

Finances.  We’re not rich, by any means – and babies cost a-lot!  We’re both working full-time, and are living comfortably in our own house and can buy the things we need and take vacations here and there – but we do so with a budget.  We plan for big expenses by saving up and we’re like most families, sometimes juggling bills to make sure our bank account doesn’t go in the RED!  Adding another kiddo in the mix would make living our lifestyle impossible!  Daycare alone is a huge expense, so doubling that would mean living off Ramen Noodles and Pb&j for the next 5 years!  And that would cut out anything we’d like to update on the house (and trust me, some things NEED to get updated!  I’m surprised we’ve lived with our bathroom as long as we have!)  So, like Vinay said – if we win the lottery…

Space.  We don’t have the room for another kiddo.  We have a wonderful ‘starter home’ and it fits our family of three perfectly.  Our 2 bedrooms create a space challenge.  Avery could have a bunk-mate, but I just picture nights of horror with 2 kiddos waking each other up in the middle of the night… not ideal if I want enough sleep to function for work the next day!

Careers.  We’re both still early in our careers and both have goals for ourselves.  I was lucky enough to finish my Masters just after Avery arrived.  Vinay is pondering grad school, which would be a BIG commitment.  Juggling Avery and Daddy at school would be tough, but possible.  Add another baby to that mix and Eek!  I think emotionally and mentally, we’d both go crazy!

The Plan.  So, we don’t exactly have a ‘plan’ for baby making… but we do know for right now, our plan is to wait.  Avery is amazing and we love spending time with him, watching him grow and being there for all his milestones.  If/when we expand our house, or buy something bigger, and Avery is maybe in Pre-K and not in daycare full-time and is old enough to be a big brother helper, and we’re happy with where our careers are, then we’ll revist the ‘Baby #2’ subject.  Until then, we’re enjoying being a family of three…

How did/will you plan for Baby #2…or 3…or 4!?  What factors did you consider?  We’d love to hear…

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18 thoughts on “Planning Baby #2

  1. I would also like to have a child close in age to Cassidy. That and that fact that I will be 33 this year makes us want to try sooner rather than later. We all know what they say about the 35 age mark. Our goal is to have both cars paid off (one down, one to go) so that we can use that money for the daycare of a second child.

    • What a great factor to add to the list, Amanda! Being only 26, age didn’t pop into my head. But my hubby is 32, so it is something to think about. I can imagine being 33 that you’re itching for the second one soon. Best of luck to you in paying that car off! Our big financial burden is my student loans that won’t be gone until I’m 30 probably. Maybe that will be my goal… pay off my student loans – then we can have another baby!

      • I think having one specific goal really helps to stay motivated! Paying those loans off sounds like a great plan for you!

      • Thanks, Amanda. I think I’ll stick with that and it should be right around when Avery turns 3-4, pending on how fast I pay them off… which might be right when everything else falls into place (having space, $, time, careers, etc.)

  2. Age is a huge factor. Everything else you can make do someHOW. I want to be young enough to enjoy my kids for a long time and live long enough to see grandkids (yes thats how I think). I wanted all the kids (my own and my brother’s) to be close enough in age to be each other’s playmate, as I know they were done with having kids.

    Vinay will kill me but let me dispel all your reasoning above.

    Time & Attention: despite what most people think. Having two kids doesn’t mean twice the work/time. For some it’s a lot more, for others a lot less. Keep in mind that your first kid will keep your second child company and he in turn require less attention from you. Second, I had Kyle trained to help me. (he was only 2.5 when his sister was born). He would bring new diapers to me, throw away old ones. Throw clothes into the hamper, get fresh ones. Bring Alyson her milk (when she finally transitioned to bottle) and out it away when she was done. He also fed her snacks (after I showed him what the right size was for her). So they can be a lot of help!

    Finances: like above, it doesn’t cost twice as much to have another child. Remember all the big expenses, like crib, stroller, car seat, exersaucer, high chair, are paid for already. You really only need to buy food and clothes (if it’s the opposite sex and even those you get second hand from friends and family). Day care costs is something that doubles however. Although some places gives discounts for siblis going to the same place. But to be honest, no one (unless you’re the Kardashians) are ever really financially ready for kids, so there’s no point in waiting.

    Space: there’s no reason why the sibs couldn’t bunk together. Alyson sleeps through all of Kyle’s mid-night noises and vice versa. Newborns will adapt to the noise in their environment so if they’re born into the noise, it’s not going to keep them up. Avery on the other hand will adapt. Besides, I spied a nice little den in your place that could be change over to a bedroom 😉

    Careers: while, yes having a baby while in school can be disruptive…would you prefer to have a baby when you’re starting a new job post graduation? I kinda feel like, for most people, there is never a convenient time to have a baby. They are disruptive by nature. They take over your life (in a good way).

    The Plan: lol in the end, its when you feel comfortable in expanding your family and not when anyone does or for whatever their reasons are because I can argue either way in all reasoning. Just keep in mind though…people rarely get pregnant when they want to get pregnant, so that’s a time to factor in as well. But my biggest argument is time (in my life). How old do I want to be when my childis 10, 20, or 30.

    Good luck! 🙂

    • Mychelle, as always, I enjoy hearing your motherly advice and experiences. Thank you so much for your input! You brought up a good point that others brought to my attention: Age. Vinay is in his early thirties, which means he’ll be almost 50 when Avery goes into college. It’s a good factor for him and I discuss, as we want to enjoy our child(ren) at reasonable ages. I love that my parents are so young and can do activities with Avery.. and will be for years and years – so thinking about being a grandparent (eek!) is a good point too.

      As always, you leave me thinking… 🙂 Thanks!

    • Haha, it’s OK. I enjoy them. I bet someday there will be enough of them to make your own blog or book, haha! Entitled ‘Rantings of Advice from Mychelle’ 🙂

  3. Great post as I ponder the same thing!! Originally i wanted my kids 1 1/2 to 2 years apart. That would mean i would need to get pregnant early spring! HELL NO! There is no way I am ready for that. We might start THINKING about baby number 2 around her 2nd birthday. yes, i want them close in age but not nearly as close as i originally planned (pre baby). My sis in law’s boys are 16 months apart! that means her oldest was 7 months old when she got pregnant for number 2! Me being pregnant AGAIN right now, scares the crap out of me! haha. Her first was so easy and a great sleeper, she thought why not have them be so close if its this easy. LOL. I dont want to have another baby when im not ready just so they are close in age. And i want to enjoy Mikayla’s milestones and give her my full attention so i am with you on that one! All of your points to consider are very realistic although, there is never a “right” time to have a baby. We would like to pay off a few things before the next baby. We already have a plan to pay off my car by March and that will free up $350 a month! I joke to my hubby too and say i want 3! he thinks im nuts. He said he is “warming up to the idea” of 2! hahah

    • Haha.. you teasing your hubby sounds just like us! I like the idea of paying off your car… and I’ll take that and make that my goal… when I pay off my student loans, then I think we’ll be ready financially and we can see if then everything else has fallen into place.

  4. I know just how you feel. I was pondering this for the longest time.
    One baby takes up so much its hard to imagine finding room for a second. I ended up having my son 8 years after my daughter. We were trying for another when she was 4 but I lost my little brother and needed time. 4 years of time in the end! but Jake came along in the end, just scraping in at 34 years old, Its a big gap and in some ways its like starting over but there are advantages. The advantages of my spacing are as follows: a big gap 5 years or more is supposed to give each child the best dip of the gene pool, I get to have a little one around so much longer. I would have been lost without him as Amy entered the teen years. its about feeling done as a parent and for me that needed at least two.. not that a little mad part of me couldn’t happily welcome another 🙂 Amy can now babysit for short durations if jake is asleep in bed and we stay locally which quite frankly is fab, takes some getting used to letting your baby babysit your baby though. I didn’t want to put myself or my marriage through 2 toddlers. The age gap keeps me on my toes. there is never a dull moment in this house 🙂
    Having two is so much fun. Christmas has really come alive since jake arrived and its a lot of fun having one of each.
    Wishing you goodluck deciding. At the end of the day you just have to follow your heart 🙂

    • Thanks for sharing! Everyone seems to have different reasons… which makes sense. I was one of two and loved having a sibling… Christmas and family events were fun too having another kiddo. I don’ think there’s a doubt in our minds if Avery will have a sibling… it’s just a matter of when. We know we’d like a little more time as a family of three so we’ll wait just a little longer before revisiting the thoughts of making us a family of 4!

  5. We’ve definitely had the same discussions in our house recently! I’m nowhere near ready to be pregnant again or have a newborn and we’re both on the same page about that. I THINK (because who really knows?!) that my ideal time for a second would be when Annabel is around 3, but my husband is more in line with Vinay in the 4-5 year gap. I really don’t want them 5 years apart, that feels like too big of a gap, so we’re having to compromise a bit.
    We consider all of the same things that you guys do, but the biggest two considerations for us are when we feel mentally, emotionally and physically ready for the demands of a second child AND finances. I know that some people say you can never be financially prepared for a baby, but to me, there is a difference in never being able to be FULLY prepared and then not being prepared at all. There are things that we can do to make things easier (getting cars paid off, etc), so we want to do those things. Our plan is for me to transition to full-time stay at home mom when the second is born because paying for two in daycare while I’m working part-time is just not financially feasible. But that means finding insurance somewhere else because we currently get it from my work. So yes, this comment is dragging on, but as you can see there is a lot to consider and we’re totally in the same boat! 🙂

    • We have the SAME factors in our decision. And I too think 5 years is too far apart… but we’ll see how it ends up. I’d rather have 2 kids 5 years apart than have just 1 kid.

  6. I think all the things you mentioned are very important in deciding when the time is right. We started trying for our 2nd child when my daughter turned 2. I didn’t get pregnant as quickly as I did the 1st time (something else to consider). My kids are 3 years apart which seems like a good amount. We’ll only have 2 years of both in daycare, which is super expensive. Age was also a factor, since i am 34. I would love to have a 3rd, but my husband too said not unless we win the lottery. :).

    • haha… it’s funny that our hubbys both think winning the lottery will help! Thanks for sharing your experience with family planning. I can’t imagine daycare costs for two kiddos, eek! Glad you can make it happen!

  7. We decided to have #2 less than a year after #1! The reasons for having another baby always far outweighed the reasons of not for us. I have to say that hubby and I never really struggled with providing for #1. All excessive things we once thought we required for a baby either came up by a generous relative or friend, we realized we never needed those things to begin with or we made sacrifices elsewhere! So the money factor can be argued one point to another but it will never seem like we have enough or are ready enough. Just remember that God always provides and a families wholeness is not determined by others rules. You guys have to decide what works for you!

    • Thanks for your input. When we’re ready to add another addition to the family, we’ll make all other factors fall into place. We can squeeze pennies, put in bunk beds, etc. to make it work. 🙂

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